EP148 - The Real You - The Demartini Show

Episode 148

The Real You - The Demartini Show

Published on: 2nd September, 2022

There will never be a more magnificent you than the real you. Your real self is not an exaggeration or minimization. Discover what it means to truly live authentically, where you dissolve the facades and personas that you wear as a result of comparison to others, and finally give yourself permission to do something amazing on planet earth. The most original, the most innovative, the most creative you - is the real you.

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Transcript
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Your soul is your real self. That's your authentic self, another name for it.

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It's your most integrated self,

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because when we're exaggerating or minimizing ourself,

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these are personas that we're wearing and they're not real,

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and they're just masks.

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I'm going to start out by making a statement.

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The magnificence of who you truly are is far greater than any fantasies

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you'll impose on yourself. You might want to write that,

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the magnificent of who you truly are,

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is greater than all the fantasies you impose on yourself,

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more magnificent than anything you facade on yourself.

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So I'm going to talk about the authentic you versus the personas that you

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sometimes wear.

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As we walk in a mall or out in nature or somewhere where we're going to interact

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with other people, malls are good spots, but it could be on the streets too.

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You will sometimes see somebody you think, 'well,

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they seem more intelligent than me', within yourself.

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And you may exaggerate them

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and sort of minimize yourself relative to them.

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Or you may have the exact opposite view.

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You may meet somebody you think 'what an idiot',

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and you may look down on them and exaggerate yourself.

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Anytime you exaggerate them and minimize you or minimize them and exaggerate you

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intellectually,

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you'll cause a distortion of who you are.

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And the exaggeration and minimization of yourself will be a mask,

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a facade, a persona that you're wearing.

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It won't be the authentic you.

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And you'll judge either them relative to you or you relative to them.

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If you are judging them above you, you'll look up,

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you'll think 'I should be like them'. If you look down on them,

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'they should be like you'.

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And all the energy of judging them creates noise in the mind.

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Cause anybody you put on a pedestal or pit occupy space and time in your mind

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and runs you, until you put them in your heart.

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But when all of a sudden you take that individual that's exaggerated or

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minimized and level the playing field, they go into your heart.

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They come out of your mind of judgment and go into the heart of love.

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The moment you do that, the noise goes away.

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And the noise goes away because the world around you and your

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physiology and psychology reward you for authenticity by

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clearing the noise, making your heart open and being grateful for them and you.

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You could have the same thing going down in the mall or streets,

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seeing somebody you think is more achieving or successful in

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business than you.

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You think they've got a bigger company or more successful company.

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Or you may think, well, God, they're a failure.

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If you look up to them and think they're achieved more business wise,

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or look down on them and think you've achieved more, the same thing occurs,

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and you get sort of a dysmorphic view of yourself and a distorted view of

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yourself and you create your personas again. In fact,

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the whole field of personal development is the reintegration of those personas,

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those exaggerated minimized selves into our authentic self.

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Whenever we look up to somebody and minimize ourself,

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we call that self depreciation, lowered self esteem,

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we go into self minimization. Whenever we look down on somebody,

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we exaggerate ourself, we think we've elevated our self-esteem.

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But elevated or depressed self esteems are facades.

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I'm going to say it again because most people don't get that.

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Elevated or depressed self esteems are facades that wrap around and oscillate

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around your true self-worth.

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Your true self-worth shines when you're actually in reflective

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awareness where they seer, the seeing and the seen are the same,

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where what you see out there is you. When you put them on pedestals,

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you're too humble to admit what you see in them is inside you.

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When you put them in pits you're too proud to admit what you see in them is

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inside you. And your pride or your humbleness aren't you,

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you've exaggerated or minimized yourself with high or low self-esteem,

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instead of your true self-worth, which is a reflective awareness.

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The highest level of awareness is reflective awareness.

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Now this also can occur in your finances.

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You could exaggerate their wealth or minimize their wealth and think, wow,

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they're way more financially ahead than me or less.

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And then minimize yourself and exaggerate yourself to them.

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And as a result of it, feel poor or feel prosperous.

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You'll feel auster or prosper. And these are just symptoms.

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All of those fluctuating,

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emotional states of exaggeration or minimization

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of self, isn't you.

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I always say the lie about yourself is the exaggeration minimization you

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display, to yourself.

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But this also can occur in relationship.

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You'll see a stable relationship and think they're holding hands and they're

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getting along and you think, oh my God, they're so peaceful, they're so lovey.

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And you'll think that that's what love is.

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But the reality is that same person an hour later, or a day later,

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or some period of the day,

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may be completely opposite and screaming each other for all you know.

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So you sometimes look at them and you see them on Facebook or you see them out

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in the streets and you think, oh my God, they're just so close together.

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And then you compare your relationship and you go, huh?

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Anytime you're comparing your current reality to a fantasy about somebody else,

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you're not going to appreciate your own relationship.

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As long as you have a fantasy about who they are,

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you're not going to love who you are and who your relationship is.

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Your relationship can never win when it's compared to a fantasy.

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And a fantasy is all upsides, no downsides. Don't be fooled by facades.

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Don't be fooled by any human being.

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I've had the opportunity to consult for people for 40 years. And

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whenever I see, I've had the opportunity to work with all kinds of celebrities,

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all kind of high profile people and average people that are maybe not in that

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position. And I assure you,

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there is no one out there that doesn't have the positives and negatives,

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the ups and downs, the pleasures and pains, the peace and war,

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the hugs and slugs, in a relationship dynamic.

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So anytime you compare yourself to somebody that

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good temporarily on the street, you're going to be fooled. I mean,

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we just recently had a nice little thing with,

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I think Amber Heard and also Johnny Depp,

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and we see other sides of their dynamic. So don't be fooled by facades.

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You can love and respect somebody for both sides. You know,

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I'm not a nice person. I'm not a mean person. Those are personas.

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I'm a human being. You support my values, I can mean nice.

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You challenge my values, | can be mean.

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I'm a human being with both of those polarities. And so is everybody else.

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And don't ever think that somebody's one sided,

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because they'll fool you and you'll fool yourself and you're set yourself up for

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an illusion. So if you put somebody in a pedestal and you put yourself in a pit,

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again, that's not you. If you put them in a pit,

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and you think they're an idiot and incompetent and

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with relationships and then you're going to exaggerate yourself and pride before

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the fall and humility before the rise,

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and nature's constantly trying to get you authentic, the real you.

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And that's where the power is in life.

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When you're open your heart and you're not judging other people and you're not

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even judging yourself, you're just being yourself. You know, know thyself,

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be thyself, love thyself as the old proverb goes.

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Now this also occurs for social settings.

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You could actually put people on pedestal and think they have way more social

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influence, more people on a thing or maybe less. And you go, oh,

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I've got more people on Facebook than them, or less than them.

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And you're sitting there gyrating between this fantasizing self and depressed

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self. But I guarantee you,

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some of the people on Facebook are buying their leads and putting names on there

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and they're buying them.

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I just saw a very powerful person that had millions of copies of it.

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And somebody did an exposition and found out how they did it and people were

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fooled by it. And they actually didn't have as many as they thought.

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I'm not interested in doing that. And it's just time consuming for one.

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And it misleads you. And it eventually backfires on you. Like I said,

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the magnificence of who you are is far greater than any fantasies you'll impose

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on yourself. So if you keep living in a fantasy about who you are,

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you won't appreciate who you are. But this can occur socially.

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We can exaggerate or minimize people socially,

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relative to ourselves and beat ourselves up. And we think we're not connected.

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And then that's the same thing as public speaking fears.

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A lot of times people are afraid to speak out because they're thinking the

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people out there in the audience are more savvy than them, more intelligent,

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more successful, have more money, have more stable relationships,

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or more socially connected than them,

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and so they end up hesitating and self-conscious,

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and self-esteem depressed and afraid of speaking out.

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anytime you minimize yourself to somebody, you're going to be more introverted.

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Anytime you exaggerate yourself, you'll be more outspoken.

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People that are minimizing themselves typically listen and not speak out.

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People that exaggerate them, tend to speak out, not listen.

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And so both of those personas don't give rise to the most effective

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communication and respectful dialogue. Again,

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authenticity is where it's at.

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authenticity actually helps empower all areas of your life. Now,

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if you go to the next one and that's physical,

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you'll find out that sometimes you think somebody's more attractive or

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physically fit or more toned,

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or maybe have more abs or more boobs or more butt or whatever.

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And you think that, oh my God,

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they've got a more fit body or more vitality or energy or enthusiasm or

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something and you're minimizing yourself to those people.

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Or exaggerating and you're thinking, God, how they've let themselves go,

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at least I have some tone, and you'll exaggerate minimize others.

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And again, the moment you do, you'll minimize and exaggerate you in turn.

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And then you're going to be sitting there having body dysmorphic syndrome.

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I've met people that are extremely attractive, you would think,

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most people would probably agree with that,

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and they can't see their own beauty because they're comparing themselves to

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other people that have been probably airbrushed in their photos and probably

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altered in their pictures and only selected the right angle.

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And then they compare themselves to them and think they're less than attractive.

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One of the most beautiful women in the world,

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I met that had a body dysmorphic issue,

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they basically didn't appreciate their magnificence,

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and they broke through that, but they for a while,

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they basically lived in the idea that they weren't as attractive as they really

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are.

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And many people can't see their own beauty and their own magnificent structure

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and realize you've been given a body that's perfect for your mission.

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But if you compare yourself to other people, you won't appreciate it.

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You won't appreciate your body. And this also can occur spiritually.

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You can think, well, they're more spiritually aware or

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I had a woman that said to me,

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what do you do when you have a husband that's not spiritually, spiritual?

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And I go, so what do you mean by that?said, well, he is not spiritually,

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he doesn't meditate, doesn't do Yogi, he doesn't, they don't, you know,

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chant or something. I said, what does your husband do? Says, well,

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he owns a big company and an IT company. I said,

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how many employees does he have? About 300. And then I said,

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so he's not spiritual? Are you sure?

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You sure he's not being spiritual in his values and you're being spiritual in

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yours?

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And you're having the time to do what you're doing because he's doing what he's

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doing and he's helping pay for it?

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You're sure that he's not spiritual by inspiring teams and inspiring people to

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do it and help them build businesses and help them build income and pay taxes

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and help society?

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Is that not just as spiritual as somebody who's contemplating on their navel

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sitting on a middle of a rock somewhere? Sometimes we box spirituality,

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and not see our form of it. And the reality is everybody's spiritual,

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it's in their own form. You know,

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somebody's dedicated to raising a family of children, well,

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that's their spiritual path. If they want to build a business,

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that's their spiritual path. Mine's teaching. That's my spiritual path.

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Everybody's on a dharmic spiritual path according to what they value most.

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Don't compare yourself to others and think they're more or less spiritual.

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It's an illusion. And we get trapped in that. And then we judge,

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and then the very thing we're trying to reach is a state of equanimity and

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enlightenment and we're sitting there in endarkenment. Again,

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our most authentic self is where it's at,

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but as long as we exaggerate or minimize ourselves and not appreciate ourselves

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or others, our heart's going to close. You know, what's interesting is,

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we have an area of our brain called the executive center and it's the

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forebrain.

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And whenever we're living by our highest values and living most authentically,

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because our highest value is what our identity revolves around.

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If we live in priority and delegate lower priority things and live by highest

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priority, we are most objective, our blood, glucose,

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and oxygen goes into the forebrain, the medial prefrontal cortex, forebrain.

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And what's interesting, the executive center,

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and we have self-governance and we have more governance on our perceptions and

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we have more balanced objective views.

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And we're less likely to judge and we're more authentic in our expression

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because we're not gyrating with these dysmorphic perceptions.

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And now we're able to love ourselves.

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And that executive center is also called the gratitude center because we have

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grace, which means fluent movement instead of a jerkish movement,

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if that's a word because of our gyrations of judgements that we have.

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If we give ourselves permission to be ourselves and walk the path of high

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priority and delegate lower priority things and give ourselves permission to

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shine, not shrink, and awaken our executive center,

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we are less likely to be going through all those gyrating personas and

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masks that we wear,

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which undermine our true potential and power and allow us to be ourselves.

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And the magnificence of who we are, the authentic self,

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is greater than all the opinions and all the fantasies that we've imposed on

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ourselves. You know, envy is ignorance and imitation is suicide.

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The second we put people on pedestals,

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we're going to envy them and try to imitate them and we lose ourselves and I'd

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rather have the whole world against me than my own soul.

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Your soul is your real self. That's your authentic self, another name for it.

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It's your most integrated self,

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because when we're exaggerating or minimizing ourself,

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these are personas that we're wearing and they're not real.

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And they're just masks.

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When you're infatuated with somebody you're conscious of their upsides,

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you're unconscious of their downsides and then you beat yourself up and then

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you're conscious of your downsides and unconscious of your upsides.

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You're not mindful, you're mindless. And then when you minimize people,

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and you know, resent them,

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you're concentrating on their downsides and not seeing their upsides. And again,

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you're concentrating on your upsides, not seeing your downsides. Again, facade,

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not true you. And both of those are not mindful.

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The conscious and unconscious mind are split,

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instead of being mindful and fully conscious,

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you're dividing yourself up into something and having deflected awareness where

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you're too proud or too humble to see what you see in them inside you,

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instead of a reflective awareness where you embrace both sides of them and you.

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You want to be loved for both sides,

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you want to love them for both sides if you want to learn to love.

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And you're not going to love yourself if you're trying to get rid of half of

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yourself.

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Not going to love yourself if you're comparing yourself to other people,

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they have a different set of values. If you're trying to live in their values,

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it's futile,

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there's no way you're going to live in their values and trying to get them to

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live in your values is futile, it's not going to work, it backfires.

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Just try to do that in relationship,

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try to think you're superior in your marriage and try

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to be and watch how quick they're they're going to kick back on you and you're

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going to have hell. And that's just going to give you feedback.

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All of the symptoms in your life are feedback mechanisms to guide you to the

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real authentic you. And that's where the power is.

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That's where the magnificence is. And anytime you're not in that state,

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you're exaggerating and minimizing and judging,

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you're putting valance on your perceptions by your amygdala,

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you're storing those in your hippocampus,

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which is basically creating the subconscious mind of all the

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associations you make. And you create a noise in your brain.

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And you're sitting there running as an automaton to misperceptions instead of

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actually being present with people, loving people, being grateful for people,

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for the magnificence of what they're doing and the magnificence of what it

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brings out of you.

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And that state is way more empowering than living in the fantasy about who you

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are or the nightmare of who you are and doing the same for them.

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So the most authentic you is the most empowered you.

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When you're exaggerating or minimizing you're getting your blood, glucose,

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and oxygen into your amygdala. And the amygdala is the survival center.

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So if you want to live with an exaggerated or minimized perceptions of others

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and you, you're going to live in your amygdala, you're going to be in survival,

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you're going to be trying to avoid pain and challenges and predators.

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And you're going to be seeking prey and fantasies and stuff.

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And you'll be immediate gratifying, consumable, you

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consumptive individual that's probably out of control.

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Freud called that the id or the idiot, because you're in an ungoverned,

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uncontrolled, animal behavior,

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instead of an executive angelic behavior where you're loving and appreciating

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people. So the authentic you is where the power is.

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The real you is sitting there intuitively trying to express itself.

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Every time you're living by your highest value,

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you automatically wake up the authentic you.

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That's why if you're not prioritizing your life and living by highest priority

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and delegating the rest, you're not likely to be able to feel fulfilled in life.

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And that's why when you do you feel on top of the world instead of on the

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world's being on top of you.

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But if you don't and you put out fires all day and you're trying to do low

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priority things and please opportunists,

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and everybody's projecting their expectations on you,

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and you're trying to do all that and you've lost your soul and lost your

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identity, soul is your a state of unconditional love, you're

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missing out on your magnificence and the power and energy and vitality.

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You're caught in a mechanism of automaton relationships with people

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deflectively,

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instead of having reflective awareness and love and intimacy and gratitude and

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an appreciation and being inspired.

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In your highest value is where you're spontaneously inspired to act and where

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you are not judging things and you're not distracted.

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All of the distractions of exaggerating and minimization occupy your mind.

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That's called distractions.

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And people that live in distractions don't feel fulfilled and become chronic

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fatigue syndromes because they're basically filling

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that's not anything but futility.

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Trying to change you relative to others or trying to change others relative to

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you is futile. It's an energy that's draining. Instead of utile,

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where you're now realizing with no judgment,

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you're communicating what you value in terms of what they value and you're

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helping people fulfill what they want and you're having sustainable fair

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exchange and they want to be involved in that. You grow your social life,

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you grow your business, you grow your relationship,

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because people want to be around people that they feel is fulfilling them and

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loving them for who they are. And that's the game of the real you.

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The authentic you automatically loves and appreciates and it grows and expands.

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Every area of your life that you're exaggerating or

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to others or others relative to you, you're disempowering yourself.

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And any area of your life you disempower, people will overpower you.

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And you're designed to then be humbled if you're cocky and be lifted if you're

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shamed or whatever, to try to get you back into authenticity.

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Every one of the criticisms you get from other people when you're cocky and

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you're challenging them is to bring you back into authenticity.

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Every time somebody's supporting and lifting you up to try to bring you back

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into authenticity, because you're exaggerating or minimizing yourself.

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When you don't exaggerate minimize yourself, people love you.

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I've demonstrated in my program called the Breakthrough Experience.

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I've been teaching that for 33 plus years and it's amazing.

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I have what I call the Demartini Method,

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which is a series of questions that help you see the hidden order in the

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apparent chaos.

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And anytime you're exaggerated minimizing you get all that noise,

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that's the chaos. And every time you calm that down and have a loving dynamic,

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you have order.

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And there's a hidden order in life if we know how to ask the right questions.

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And the Demartini Method that I teach in the Breakthrough Experience is a series

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of very precise questions to help you take those distractions and dissolve them

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and be able to see things in a balanced perspective with mindfulness and

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presence and be able to love and appreciate respectfully where you have

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sustainable fair exchange,

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which helps business and relationships and your health,

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and allows you to prosper in life.

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So I love taking people through that method so they

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lives and help them prioritize it,

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determine what they really value and prioritize their life and lift themselves

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up. That's one of the reasons I do Breakthrough's almost every week,

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just to help people do something extraordinary with their life.

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I say the magnificence of who you are is far greater than any fantasies you'll

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put on yourself. And so many people are caught in all this noise,

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the signal to noise ratio from their brain is not able to get their message and

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their mission and their vision through. Their inspired and vision,

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mission and message is what they're here to contribute to the planet,

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but all the noise is blocking it so you're lost sight of who you are,

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your purpose, you've lost sight of your vision,

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you've lost sight of your real message in the world.

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And so those without a vision perish, those without a mission, you know,

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are scattered and run by the world of outside.

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You either a leader of a culture or follower of a culture.

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That's why in the Breakthrough Experience what my objective is,

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is to help people break through the limitations of

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judgments and all those false you's and facades and personas and masks and

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distractions that we run our life by and get clear. I don't know,

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when's the last time you've had a clear consciousness?

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When's the last time you've been able to say, 'thank you,

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I love you' in the mirror?

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When's the last time you felt like you've actually felt progress in what the

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dream is that you've strived for?

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What's the last time you've been able to write a gratitude journal from your

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heart that just spontaneously come out with tears in your eyes?

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That's what you're here to, that's what's possible in the world,

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but when we're in the noise and we're in the false you,

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that's not going to happen.

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And that's perfect because all of those signs and symptoms that we create,

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all that noise, is nothing but feedback to get us authentic.

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I make the statement that everything going on in your physiology, psychology,

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everything going on in your business, sociology, relationships,

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your spirituality, your health,

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everything that goes on in every part of your life is actually a feedback

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mechanism to guide you back to authentic you. The real you is magnificent.

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The false you is obviously going to create symptoms to awaken you up to

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the attention you're not being true to yourself. Anytime you're not authentic,

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you're going to create symptoms.

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And people don't know how to read those symptoms and interpret them.

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In the Breakthrough Experience I show people how to do that.

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Because if you're not knowing how to read the symptoms,

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you're going to be fooled by the symptoms.

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And you're going to think you need some sort of therapy or you're going to think

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you need some sort of drug or you're going to think you need some sort of,

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you know, something else or different job or whatever,

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and it may not have anything to do with that,

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it's simply the way you're perceiving it. You know,

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you have control of your perceptions, decisions, and actions.

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In the Breakthrough Experience I teach people how to take control of those,

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how to take command of those.

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When you're living by your highest values and you're in your executive center,

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those get governed. You self governed. You're a master of your life,

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master of life, not a victim of some history. But when you're not,

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and you're living by lower priority things and you're sitting there running all

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the judgements and you're projecting them. You know,

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it's been showed since biblical times and even before, in ancient Egypt,

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they knew that whatever we see on the outside is a reflection of us.

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And any time we're too proud or too humble to admit that what we see in the

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world around us, even Aristotle in De Anima,

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he'd said that everything out there is a reflection of what's inside.

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When we realize that when we're resenting people,

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it's just reminding us of something we feel ashamed of.

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And when we're admiring somebody,

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it's reminding us of something we're proud of in ourselves,

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we realize that we're actually looking at them,

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but we're actually reflecting us.

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When our real self is loved and we get to love them and then we reflect that,

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man, that's an amazing place, that's heaven on earth if you will.

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The heavenly sky state is now born inside our own heart.

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You know, we're here to live by our heart. What's interesting is when the blood,

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glucose, and oxygen goes into the forebrain, it gets

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it actually normalizes the autonomic nervous system, hypothalamus,

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the suprachiasmatic nucleus, the pineal, they all come into synchronicity,

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they get the day and night cycles and circadian rhythms back into balance.

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You bring homeostasis, which balances the autonomic,

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gets the heart rate variability back into line.

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And you end up having your telomeres grow, you extend your life,

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you expand your space and time horizons, you see a bigger vision,

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your physiology brings wellness, you start to love people,

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and your body gives you a reward and grace,

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a graceful physiological function. And so you feel grace,

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you feel grace and gratitude in life. You feel love in life.

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You're inspired by your life.

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You feel enthused because you feel like the angelic guardian angel that's living

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inside you is running you now.

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And now you feel appreciative of life and you appreciate in value and people

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value you when you value you. And that's the possibility.

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That's why I do the Breakthrough Experience.

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That's why I teach the Demartini Method.

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That's why I have you go online and do the Value Determination process.

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Because that way you get to have the most magnificent life.

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The magnificence of who you are is far greater than any fantasies you'll impose

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on yourself.

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And the fantasies that you're above or below somebody else or the nightmares,

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both of those are not you.

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So give yourself permission to be you and somehow whatever way it does go on our

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website and go do the Value Determination process so you can live by priority

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and come to the Breakthrough Experience.

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Come and learn to master your mind so you can live your life with all the proven

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tools that I've been teaching now, I've been teaching for 50 years in November,

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and I've been gathering information that I know will save you enormous amounts

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of time.

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And there's nothing more inspiring to me than make a difference in your life.

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So I want you to come to the Breakthrough Experience so I can make the

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difference and help you learn the tools that can change the destiny.

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There's no reason why you have to have all that distraction.

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And there's right now an amazing, inspired purpose inside your life.

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Deep meaning that you can extract out of your experiences by finding the hidden

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order in the apparent chaos and allow you to be the real you,

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the magnificent you.

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There's no reason why you can't say thank you for your life.

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I'm going to show you how to do it in the Breakthrough Experience,

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you can be inspired, you can achieve more. I've seen people grow their business,

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grow their minds, grow their wealth, grow their relationships,

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grow their social impact, grow their physical health and wellbeing,

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and grow their spiritual awareness.

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There's no reason why you can't do something extraordinary with your life.

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Give yourself permission to shine, not shrink.

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Give yourself permission to be a master of your destiny,

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not a victim of your history. Anyway, that's my presentation.

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I look forward to seeing you at the Breakthrough Experience,

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please go online and take advantage of the Value Determination process.

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And thank you for joining me for this webinar. And please,

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if you got something out of this webinar and you thought of somebody that could

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have benefited by doing it, contact them, send them the link,

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let them know about what we're doing, the weekly presentations and please,

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get them and you to the Breakthrough Experience,

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because then I got 24 hours I can make a difference in your life. See you then.

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About the Podcast

The Demartini Show
If you are serious about your own empowerment, Dr John Demartini is here for you.
If you are serious about your own empowerment and you're looking for the most efficient and effective pathway to go to the next level in your life, if you're looking for the world's #1 leading specialist in human behavior to guide you and help you make sense of your life and help you get the advantage, then welcome home. This podcast is for you.

Dr John Demartini is a researcher, author, and global educator. He has developed step by step processes that help you to clarify your vision, achieve your goals and empower all the areas of your life so that you get to live a fulfilled and purposeful life.

He has studied over 30,000 books across all the defined academic disciplines and has synthesized the wisdom of the ages which he shares on stage in over 100 countries.